#223 +(-6)-

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

#222 +(1)-

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

#221 +(5)-

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

#220 +(-1)-

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

#219 +(-3)-

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

#218 +(4)-

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

#211 +(1)-

Q: Why are food processors so hard to find? A: Because they really blend in with the crowd.

#176 +(5)-

[26][08:34:07] <+naaraxi> ill take good ol' lefty over a female any day . well . almost any day
[26][08:34:08] <+Jackson`> till you dry
[26][08:34:13] <+Jackson`> lefty
[26][08:34:15] <+Jackson`> huh
[26][08:34:31] <+Xsploit> yea i use my lefty too
[26][08:34:37] <+Jackson`> when you do it with a left hand, it feels like someone else does it for you ?
[26][08:34:47] <+Xsploit> id take a female any day over good ol lefty
[26][08:34:53] <+Jackson`> or sit your hand till its numb and all pins and needles and then do it
[26][08:35:00] <+Xsploit> Jackson` no, i need my right hand for the mouse
[26][08:35:02] <+naaraxi> nawh i'm right handed so the mouse is on the right side
[26][08:35:05] <+naaraxi> lmao
[26][08:35:06] <+Xsploit> muahahahah

#170 +(10)-

How do you know the Polish invented vodka? It takes a Pole to look at a potato and ask, "How do I drink this?"

#169 +(11)-

Knock Knock Who's there? Ben Bangy Ben Bangy who? Ben Bangy your sister all night and im tired. Let me in. Haha good one. I has one too. Knock Knock Who's there? Protipmysis Protipmysis who? Protipmysister used to be my brother and you have slept with a mans.